Who are you?

The number of hits I receive is increasing on a daily basis and yet the only comments I receive are from two very annoying people. This leads me to believe that they are two stalkers obsessed enough to check in every half hour to see if something new has been posted. If, and only if, you are not one of these two people won’t you please send my a note? I’d love to hear from you.

Have I told you lately?

Do you really know how much I love you? I know I tell you every day but I hope my actions tell you as well. I hope you feel my love every time I touch you, I can’t keep my hands off of you, you are so beautiful to me. I hope you see and feel my love every time you look into my eyes.

Oh baby, thank you for making all of my dreams come true. Do you remember when we were just kids the countless hours we spent talking about how perfect our life together would be? I never thought our dreams would actually come true, but they have. I won’t apologize for the time we lost because the time away from each other made us who we are today, two people willing and able to accept and appreciate each other, flaws and all. We are finally capable and strong enough to stand on our own as individuals. We can agree to disagree when we have differing opinions. We can disagree without damaging each other, something we had trouble doing when we were just kids.  We are able to make plans for the future with the assurance that we’re both willing to follow through and contribute equally.

Thank you for being a true and trusted friend. I love you for listening to me and for remembering all of the little things I tell you. I love you for sharing your ideas, thoughts and feelings with me. I love the time we spend together catching up on the days events. I love you for being able to sit quietly together and understanding the connection we share through silence.

Thank you for the beautiful home we share. I have lived in many houses but for the first time in my life I feel at home. I love the fact that we have built this home together, all of us. I love the fact that Jesse and John have a home that they are proud of and enjoy bringing friends home with them. I love it when we suddenly have a house full of kids at dinner time because that means we have a home that is warm and comfortable and inviting.  I love it when your family drops in and appreciates the home we have built together. I love spending time together in a warm and secure home that is filled with things that we chose together, things that hold only memories of us.

Thank you for letting me be who I am. I love the fact that you understand and appreciate my sense of humor and you laugh at me even when I’m being silly. I love you for letting me be silly! I love you and thank you for understanding my different moods and allowing me time to myself when I need it. Thank you for knowing when and how to call bullshit.

Thank you for working so hard to take care of us. I love you for being able and willing to get up every morning and take on the world in order for all of us to have a comfortable life. I know that the work and the long hours can really wear you down but I thank you for taking it all in stride, for not complaining. I love that you are diligent about your schooling and I am so proud of your accomplishments. I love you for being willing to take on a new adventure that will take us clear around the world. I look forward to the opportunity to stand by your side and support you if and when things get tough in your new endeavor.

I love you for taking me on our rides together. Sitting behind you with my arms around you and my knees pressed against your beautiful strong thighs is something I look forward to all week long. I love that when we are out together on the bike it’s like being 16 again flying down the highway without a care in the world.

Thank you for giving me the chance to be a part of a warm and loving family. I love you for trusting me with what is the most precious to you, Jesse and John. I know it wasn’t easy at first for any of us and that I didn’t always handle things the way you would but I love the fact that we survived and that we are truly a family now. I love being called mom, I love cleaning and cooking and caring for all of you, I love helping with homework and going to football games. The first time the boys asked what we were having for family dinner night I felt so warm and accepted and loved. This is the family that we always dreamed of having. It is challenging on a very regular basis but there is never a dull moment, just as families should be. I know it’s not perfect but it’s about as close as it gets. Thank you, I love you.

I love you for being such a great dad. Every time I see you busy working on a project with the boys it warms my heart. You are so much like my dad, kind and caring and considerate. Strong and strict when you need to be but so patient and loving. They love you and adore you.

Thank you for the wonderful sex we experience. I love you for making me feel alive and beautiful and desired. I love the fact that you make me feel safe enough to be able to tell you and show you what I want and need. I love the fact that we can talk openly and honestly about our fantasies and desires. I love waking up and making love to you every morning and falling asleep every night after making love to you again. Never mind about the middle of the night sex, you know I can’t get enough of that either.

Have I told you lately that I love you? Have I told you there’s no one above you? You fill my heart with gladness, take away my sadness, ease my troubles that’s what you do.

I love you baby.

Back to school?

Well, I guess it’s time I get back to school. I had an extended assignment at the primary school for several weeks before the Christmas break but have not been back since.  That all ends next Tuesday when the 6 a.m. phone calls start again that will send me to one of the four different school campuses. I don’t really have to work, and in some ways am reluctant to go back, but I do like being around the kids and it’s always an adventure and a great learning experience.

When I started substituting last year I wasn’t really sure if I would be able to handle the job or the kids but I made it through the year without having a nervous breakdown and without choking the life out a couple of the kids at the high school. This year has been much easier.  It was difficult as a newcomer being accepted into this small community. All of the teachers and faculty know each other and have been working together for years, they’re a tight knit group and in some ways very guarded and reluctant to get to know someone new. They also have children or grandchildren in the school system so they are very protective of who their children are exposed to. It amazed me the first time I went to the high school, the entire faculty knew each student by name. Most of the kids will go from preschool to graduation with the same classmates.  This confused me at first when I thought of my school experience and how many people came and went through my life as I grew up but there is such a strong sense of community here, a feeling that you belong to a family.

This year has been different. I was asked to come back as a substitute and was informed that numerous teachers request me when they are gone. The faculty at all of the schools now know me by name and are willing to take the time to chat. They ask about the boys and Kim, they know that we just moved into a beautiful new house, they know that Jesse is in the army now and that John’s grades have gone from C’s and D’s to A’s and B’s. The kids all call me Miss M and I don’t remember the last time that I made it through the grocery store without getting a hug from one of my kids from school. It’s a wonderful change.

I let the schools know that I would be taking some time off and would call them when I was ready to go back. We bought a wonderful house right before Christmas and decided to wait until after the first of year to move into it.  We spent several days cleaning and putting a fresh coat of paint on all of the walls. Fortunately we bought all new furniture so there was very little moving to do, just the kitchen and our personal belongings. Then there was three acres of land to be cleaned up, remnants of Ike. Luckily the county came by and cut the larger trees that were down and hauled them off, eighteen truck loads, but there is still a lot of clean up to be done. My new greenhouse is begging to be filled, and I’m still trying to decide where my next garden will be located. I’ve trimmed bushes and pruned the roses but I need to get the tomatoes and hot peppers started so they’ll be ready to be placed in the new garden. My avocado tree needs to be planted as does the pineapple we’ve been growing for the past two years.  My strawberries need to be moved from the old house to the new before the weather starts getting too warm to transplant them. The fence around the barn needs to be repaired before we can adopt a horse. It’s a wonderful home that I’m reluctant to leave. It’s a wonderful life that I am thankful for every morning when I wake up.

But it’s time to go back to school. The phone rang every morning last week, “are you ready to come back yet? Every campus has requested you today.”  Finally yesterday I let her know that I’ll be available starting next Tuesday, her response made me smile because it was a response that would rarely be used anywhere other than Texas, “praise Jesus.” I love my home but I do miss my kids.