Sleeping With The Enemy

Recently, while enjoying an article posted by one of my new favorite pundits I read about a sweet message that was passed to her from a wonderful stranger who took the time to notice one the subtle messages that we all emit without even realizing it. The author was having a bad day and the woman in front of her in the checkout line at the grocery store took the time to speak to her and pass her a note. This was a note that the elderly woman had received after the death of her husband and son and contained some words of wisdom that helped her cope with her grief. The note basically conveyed the thought that people move in and out of our lives. Some of them are with us briefly, others remain for years but no matter what the case may be they are in our life for a reason. Each and every person we come in contact with brings some experience or lesson or message with them.

Now I have known this for a very long time, I’ve passed this wisdom on to other people in my life, never so eloquently but even so I have been a true believer in this message for a very long time. The problem is I sometimes forget this and fall into the old pattern of why me? Why am I being treated this way? Who in the hell is this asshole and how did I end up in a relationship with him? How in the world did I ever get so lucky to find someone who loves me for who I am and do I really deserve him? But again, I have used this explanation many times in the past, usually to explain a very stupid or unhealthy decision I’ve made. Somehow it’s easier for me to accept some of the things that I have experienced if I simply accept the fact that I needed someone to treat me poorly in order for me to realize what I did or didn’t like or would no longer accept or tolerate. Other times I used it to acknowledge painful experiences by accepting the fact that just as I had used other people to grow as a person so had people used me to experience their life lessons.

It isn’t easy or comfortable to lose those people that we love and hold dear and others we remove willingly. Whatever the case may be each and every person we encounter brings something special and important into our lives. They each bring with them some life lesson. It is through all of these lessons and experiences that we become who and what we are. We must learn to accept and appreciate the good and the bad.

So, it is time for me to thank someone that came into my life at a time when I hated who I was and was in the process of punishing myself for breaking the heart of someone I loved very much. This person taught me some of the most valuable lessons I’ve ever learned. He spent ten years teaching me how to be a better person, then I kicked his ass out the door.

Thank you Mr. Asshole for letting me pay all the bills while you spent your money on yourself. I have learned how important it is to have a partner that is willing to share the responsibility of caring for and supporting each other.

Thank you Mr. Asshole for quitting your job because someone pissed you off or looked at you the wrong way. I have learned how much I appreciate a partner that is capable of taking the good with the bad and is committed to his career.

Thank you Mr. Asshole for insisting the house be perfect and spotless. I now know that I am capable of keeping a house spotless but I will never again be a slave to housework. Also, I now understand that a house is not a home and a home does not need to be perfect as long as it is filled with love, laughter and respect.

Thank you Mr. Asshole for launching sharp projectiles at me while my back was turned. I learned very quickly to keep my senses alert and actually developed eyes in the back of my head, just ask my teenage step-sons if you don’t believe this is possible.

Thank you Mr. Asshole for using household furnishings as weapons against me. I am quite confident that I can still deflect a coffee table, a kitchen chair and large pieces of stereo equipment should the need arise.

Thank you Mr. Asshole for making me suffer through days and weeks of silence. I will never again remain silent nor will I allow my partner to remain silent when we have a misunderstanding or disagree.

Thank you Mr. Asshole for insisting on having everything your way. Never again will I allow someone else to dictate my thoughts, beliefs or actions. I will be more than willing to compromise and will expect nothing less from my partner, however, I am entitled to have an opinion.

Thank you Mr. Asshole for breaking my tailbone. Each and every time I sit in that particular position that sends sharp pains up my back it reminds me that I made the right decision when I removed you from my life.

Thank you Mr. Asshole for trying to run me over with the car. I now know that my reflexes are quick enough, and my mind reacts fast enough to enable me to jump on the hood of a moving car. Guess countless hours of cop shows growing up came in handy too. Bo and Luke Duke have nothing on me.

Thank you Mr. Asshole for not giving me the children I so desperately wanted. The thought of having to deal with you for the rest of my life makes me nauseous and makes my heart race. Besides the first time you touched one of them the way you touched me I would have been spending the rest of my life wearing striped clothing.

Thank you Mr. Asshole for clarifying my hatred of the word cunt. Never again will I quietly accept the use of this word as a description of me. By the way, sorry if I hurt you when you called me a cunt in front of the neighbors. I didn’t realize that I was strong enough to pick you up and slam you against the wall.

Thank you Mr. Asshole for allowing your girlfriend to visit our home while I was at work and for allowing her to leave her cigarette butts in the ashtray. I knew right away they couldn’t have belonged to your cousin Tom, it was the wrong shade of pink. I will never again settle for a partner that doesn’t have the balls to try to repair our relationship prior to picking out a girlfriend.

Thank you Mr. Asshole for treating me as your own personal sexual blowup doll to be used and abused whenever, wherever, and however you wished. I will never allow my body to be sexually used or abused again. I will never settle for a partner that does not love, honor, and respect me and my body. I am thankful that the love of my life gently and tenderly makes love to me instead of fucking me, unless of course, I ask him to.

Thank you Mr. Asshole for using me as your personal punching bag. I will never allow another man to hit me or raise a hand to me nor will I ever raise my hand to another human being. I know what it does to a person physically, mentally and emotionally.

Thank you Mr. Asshole for insisting we try marriage counseling. I appreciated the opportunity to share every intimate detail of our marriage with a counselor. Mostly, I appreciated his suggestion that we get as far away from each other as possible. He must have seen something in my eyes that gave him the the impression that I was about to snap. Or maybe he found that shopping list that I misplaced: shovel, duct tape, rope, lime, arsenic.

Thank you Mr. Asshole for not allowing me to quit a job that I absolutely hated because if I had I never would have met one of the best friends I have ever had. A friend that listened patiently and then never failed to give me a swift kick in the ass for settling for so much less than I deserved. A friend that helped me see my way out of a horrible marriage.

Thank you Mr. Asshole for teaching me all of these things and so much more. I will never be able to repay you for the very personal and private lessons. I wish for you only good things and hope you have a rich and fulfilling life.

No, really, I do.