Who are you?

The number of hits I receive is increasing on a daily basis and yet the only comments I receive are from two very annoying people. This leads me to believe that they are two stalkers obsessed enough to check in every half hour to see if something new has been posted. If, and only if, you are not one of these two people won’t you please send my a note? I’d love to hear from you.

Have I told you lately?

Do you really know how much I love you? I know I tell you every day but I hope my actions tell you as well. I hope you feel my love every time I touch you, I can’t keep my hands off of you, you are so beautiful to me. I hope you see and feel my love every time you look into my eyes.

Oh baby, thank you for making all of my dreams come true. Do you remember when we were just kids the countless hours we spent talking about how perfect our life together would be? I never thought our dreams would actually come true, but they have. I won’t apologize for the time we lost because the time away from each other made us who we are today, two people willing and able to accept and appreciate each other, flaws and all. We are finally capable and strong enough to stand on our own as individuals. We can agree to disagree when we have differing opinions. We can disagree without damaging each other, something we had trouble doing when we were just kids.  We are able to make plans for the future with the assurance that we’re both willing to follow through and contribute equally.

Thank you for being a true and trusted friend. I love you for listening to me and for remembering all of the little things I tell you. I love you for sharing your ideas, thoughts and feelings with me. I love the time we spend together catching up on the days events. I love you for being able to sit quietly together and understanding the connection we share through silence.

Thank you for the beautiful home we share. I have lived in many houses but for the first time in my life I feel at home. I love the fact that we have built this home together, all of us. I love the fact that Jesse and John have a home that they are proud of and enjoy bringing friends home with them. I love it when we suddenly have a house full of kids at dinner time because that means we have a home that is warm and comfortable and inviting.  I love it when your family drops in and appreciates the home we have built together. I love spending time together in a warm and secure home that is filled with things that we chose together, things that hold only memories of us.

Thank you for letting me be who I am. I love the fact that you understand and appreciate my sense of humor and you laugh at me even when I’m being silly. I love you for letting me be silly! I love you and thank you for understanding my different moods and allowing me time to myself when I need it. Thank you for knowing when and how to call bullshit.

Thank you for working so hard to take care of us. I love you for being able and willing to get up every morning and take on the world in order for all of us to have a comfortable life. I know that the work and the long hours can really wear you down but I thank you for taking it all in stride, for not complaining. I love that you are diligent about your schooling and I am so proud of your accomplishments. I love you for being willing to take on a new adventure that will take us clear around the world. I look forward to the opportunity to stand by your side and support you if and when things get tough in your new endeavor.

I love you for taking me on our rides together. Sitting behind you with my arms around you and my knees pressed against your beautiful strong thighs is something I look forward to all week long. I love that when we are out together on the bike it’s like being 16 again flying down the highway without a care in the world.

Thank you for giving me the chance to be a part of a warm and loving family. I love you for trusting me with what is the most precious to you, Jesse and John. I know it wasn’t easy at first for any of us and that I didn’t always handle things the way you would but I love the fact that we survived and that we are truly a family now. I love being called mom, I love cleaning and cooking and caring for all of you, I love helping with homework and going to football games. The first time the boys asked what we were having for family dinner night I felt so warm and accepted and loved. This is the family that we always dreamed of having. It is challenging on a very regular basis but there is never a dull moment, just as families should be. I know it’s not perfect but it’s about as close as it gets. Thank you, I love you.

I love you for being such a great dad. Every time I see you busy working on a project with the boys it warms my heart. You are so much like my dad, kind and caring and considerate. Strong and strict when you need to be but so patient and loving. They love you and adore you.

Thank you for the wonderful sex we experience. I love you for making me feel alive and beautiful and desired. I love the fact that you make me feel safe enough to be able to tell you and show you what I want and need. I love the fact that we can talk openly and honestly about our fantasies and desires. I love waking up and making love to you every morning and falling asleep every night after making love to you again. Never mind about the middle of the night sex, you know I can’t get enough of that either.

Have I told you lately that I love you? Have I told you there’s no one above you? You fill my heart with gladness, take away my sadness, ease my troubles that’s what you do.

I love you baby.

Hello Drunkass

Well, since you don’t seem to have anything better to do than check my blog and send me your nasty little comments I guess I’ll take a few minutes out of my day to respond. Hopefully the other person that reads this blog will take the time to respond and add their two cents to this argument.

I’m so glad to hear that you’re not missing me nor do you think about me. That is quite apparent by the number of times you just can’t help but check and see if I’ve written anything new. You’re probably right, this blog is probably just a worthless waste of time and I will take your advice into consideration and maybe someday in the near future I’ll delete it.  But if I do I’m not sure how you’ll succeed in finding me or figure out a way to communicate with me. It might just be worth it though if that’s the only way I’ll ever be able to get rid of your commentary on me and my life.

Sparring — I’d rather not, guess I said I was ready but that may have been a bit premature. I really don’t want to communicate with you at all. The only reason I wrote that post was to try to get you to stop harassing Laurie. Seems you two have come to a point in your relationship though that you don’t need me in the way, so write to her — leave me out of it.

So, let me point out that you are the one that gave up on our relationship. You are the one that wasted our money and doomed our future together. By the way what the fuck was so special about 1994? Which little tramp were you doing behind my back? Oh wait I take that back because according to you every female walking on two legs wanted to get a little Kelly, yeah right!  But back to my original point, please take a moment to reflect on our relationship at the beginning. I loved you so much that when you decided to try to make it in the golfing world I was the one that supported you, emotionally and financially. You are the one that decided that your path into the world of professional golfing took nothing more than a few rounds of golf a week and a whole lot of beer drinking with the guys. I believed in you – you took advantage of me.

When WE decided to move back to Denver WE agreed that working for ourselves would be a great way to achieve our goals, TOGETHER. We had it made, stressful – yes, did we have it made – yes. Great money, time off, we could have been retired with money in the bank right now. But let me see, YOU decided that you didn’t want to be bothered with the mundane daily work. You couldn’t stay sober enough to get through four hours a day at work, you decided to hide all of the bills in a file cabinet for year and then complain that we were going broke. You wanted to take responsibility for the financial end of the business and I let you, my mistake.

Um, what else? You were bored so I told you I thought you should go back to school. How long did you make it – one week? I decided to go back to school and you agreed, but you later told me that when I went back to school you resented it. Why?

As for my friendship with Andy, I was never unfaithful. I could have been, had many opportunities but loved you too much. He was and is merely a trusted friend that I could get together with and have a good conversation over a couple of beers. How often did I see him — really, if we had something going don’t you think I would have seen him a bit more than once every year or two?

So, let’s move on to Ass…………. Yeah right! Jealous of a little twit that you yourself named dumbass and commented on many occasions that the only way she’d ever get layed was if she learned to keep her mouth shut. I’m sure you two have a lot in common though, she’s a 23 year old idiot that never had an original thought in her life and you are a 41 year old lazy drunkass that finally found a job renting bowling shoes at a recreation center on base. Apparently she’s gotten over her fear of old man balls! When she lived with us and accidently saw you naked I thought she was going to gouge her eyes out – but that was then before she landed prince charming.

How pathetic are you? You want to throw out personal information out at me and complain about how I need to attack other people in order to feel good about myself? What does that make you and the dumbass? What do you two do other than sit around and wonder about what I’m doing and why I don’t love you anymore? I’ll tell both of you why I don’t love you and eliminated you both from my life – you are both insecure little children still trying to deal with your issues of rejection and loss. You two have a lot in common, both of you were pushed aside by parents that were and are too busy with their new lives to give a shit about the children they brought into this world. You can say all you want about me babysitting someone else’s kids but at least I actually give a shit about their well being, I am not ashamed of being a stepmother and I will never apologize for it. Simply possessing a uterus that functions does not make a woman a mother nor does donating sperm make a man a father – you should know that fact by heart considering the relationship you have with both of your parents.

You want to continue to spar? WHY? You’re in love with your soulmate and living the charmed life in Europe, get on with it. Just say thank you that I came to my senses and moved on with my life and gave you the opportunity to do the same. As you have stated on numerous occasions you don’t love me and haven’t for a number of years so leave me the fuck alone and get on with your life.

Come on out – there’s no reason to hide.

I have avoided writing this for quite some time now but for reasons beyond my control I must address a particular person from my past. He does not frighten nor intimidate me, he just irritates the shit out of me. He has recently decided to harass other people in what I am assuming is his lame attempt at upsetting me to the point that I will once again open a line of communication with him. Not that it is a conversation he’s looking for, no, it’s because he can’t seem to get over the need to verbally assault and insult me. So, stop hiding behind numerous names, stop harassing people that you don’t even know, come out of the shadows and for once in your adult life act like a man.

Allow me the pleasure of starting this little sparring match. We are no longer married and there is no reason for us to continue to speak or communicate. Actually, the only time you even cross my mind is when you barge back into my life. Oh, and whenever the subject of a worthless drunk comes up, yes I do think about you then.

As you so eloquently pointed out to me months ago you are married and off to see the world with the new little woman. GO! See the fucking world! Fuck the new bride in every country in Europe! How many times do I need to tell you that I don’t care. If you spend a little less time trying to track me down and dreaming up ways to piss me off or get a reaction from me and spend more time on your new life this marriage just might work out for you. Good! Glad! Hope it does! I DON’T CARE!

You found the perfect mate, she’s getting an education and supporting your lazy drunk ass. Glad I came to my senses when I did, a little late I will admit, but I did come to my senses. The ironic thing is the new Mrs. Drunk is the same person that could never understand why I put up with your laziness and your drinking. But it is sweet of her, and lucky for you, that she’s willing to overlook those endearing qualities of yours. I must admit though that I’m kind of creeped out just thinking about how many times she told me that you were the father that she always wanted. But I do hope the two of you are happy together.

As for my new life – it’s none of your fucking business! You gave up the right to know anything about me when you decided to trade our marriage in for a barstool and drinking buddies. When we split up you told me that you had hated me for a number of years but just couldn’t give up the free ride and the money. Well, I’ll accept that and even admit that I could have done things differently as well. Bottom line – I didn’t – you didn’t – end of story.

I have been reluctant to write about my new life because I really don’t want you to know anything about me nor do I care to hear your opinions, however, you have changed my mind. If you are still so obsessed that you are willing to subject yourself to the details of my life then so be it. Read it, absorb it, fucking memorize it if it’ll make you feel better. You will quickly come to the realization that I made the right decision, that my life is not perfect, thank god, but it is wonderful. Kim and I don’t always agree, again thank god, but we do love and respect each other enough to listen to each other and make decisions based on mutual trust and respect. We are equal partners working towards the same goals. He is a man of integrity, he’s honest, he works hard everyday to support and care for his family. He’s intelligent, funny, kind, strong and sexy as hell. He tells me everyday how beautiful I am to him and that he loves and cherishes me. Oh and I know that you don’t put much emphasis on a healthy sex drive or sex life and that you thought I was a lousy lay but maybe it was just the lazy, unimaginative sex partner that I used to be married to.  I don’t know, just a thought. Unlike our sex life when I just couldn’t wait for it to be over because you didn’t have a clue how to get me off, Kim knows what he’s doing and he does it quite well.

I would appreciate you directing your comments at me and leave Laurie out of this little mind-fuck game you’ve decided to play. Despite what you might think she and I are not close friends and until a couple of days ago I didn’t even know that you were posting idiotic messages on her site. As for her offering to help me with my writing, take a close look at the posts on this site, does it look like I’ve been doing any writing? Unlike you I have a very busy and full life and not much time left over in the day to write.

Just one last thing, has your thought process and writing ability really deteriorated that much over the last couple of years or are you drinking that much? You complain about my writing ability and you can’t even put together a cohesive e-mail. If you really feel the need to critique my writing, and Laurie’s writing for that matter, at least present yourself as someone intelligent enough to make a coherent and valid point.